mmm... toffee

Today I'm making matzoh crack, aka buttercrunch matzoh, aka toffee matzoh, aka just plain crack.  

tasty tasty crack. With salt.

Here's the thing: it's dead easy.  Really and truly.  It's hard to mess up, ever.  And it has a perfect balance of sweet and salty and crunchy.  And at Christmastime, make it with saltines--salted side up--and it's Christmas Crack.  

TOFFEE HAS NO RELIGION PEOPLE! It crosses boundaries, it unites us all!

But first, a Digression. I need to confess something that many folks who know me in person already know (and many are horrified by): I don't like chocolate. 

I never have.  Sure, I like white chocolate, but as any true chocolate fan will tell you (loudly), that's not real chocolate.  That's essentially fat and sugar (which is why, I say, it's so damn good).  But honest to god chocolate? Gross. I like the texture, but the flavor is just TOO much.  And that's saying something coming from a girl who loves pate and butter and cream and all things rich. And don't even get me started on dark chocolate--ugh.  Give me buttery toffee or caramel or fruit flavors all day long, yo.

(The going theory, by the by, is that I'm a supertaster with weird quirks.  That's another post tho)

But anyway, back to the matzoh crack.  For all of my dislike of chocolate, it works here.  And I just skimp on half the tray for me, and over do it on the other half of the tray for everyone else in the world who thinks I'm cray. 

Matzoh / Saltine Crack

• several sheets of matzoh or about 40ish saltine crackers
• 1 cup butter
• 1 cup dark brown sugar
• 1 tsp vanilla
• 2 cups chocolate chips
• 1 cup chopped nuts (optional, I like pecans or walnuts)
• flaky salt (optional, but if you don't include it you're dead to me)

What to do:

• preheat your oven to 400 deg. Line a baking sheet (the kind with a rim) with tinfoil.  You can also use parchment and foil if you're fancy, but I am lazy.
• break up the matzoh into more manageable pieces if you like, and arrange in a single layer on the foil-lined-sheet.  If you're using saltines, arrange in a single layer, salt side up
• in a heavy bottomed saucepan (so it doesn't burn), melt the butter and sugar together.  Bring to a boil and boil for 3 minutes. Off the heat, stir in a healthy glug of vanilla.  Or if you're precise, measure it. 
• Carefully pour the butter-sugar mixture over the matzoh or saltines, making sure everything is evenly covered.
• Pop in the oven and bake for 6-7 minutes.  Err on the side of longer, the sugar should bubble all over, especially in the corners.  Underbaking will make the toffee chewy instead of crispy.
• Remove from oven, and while hot, sprinkle the chocolate chips evenly over the top of the candy.  Let sit for a minute to let the chips melt a bit--they will not lose their shape because chocolate is like that--and then use a spatula to spread the chocolate evenly across the candy. 
• sprinkle warm chocolate with the flaky salt and nuts if you're using them.
•  Let sit at room temp until set, break into pieces and store in an airtight container in the freezer.

Biscuits!

Yet another "I was told to blog about this" post!  And so I am.

So biscuits! So easy! So delicious! So buttery!

My favorite biscuit recipe is Smitten Kitchen's cream biscuits. They are literally 4 ingredients, one bowl, DEAD EASY, tasty tasty biscuits.

It took me a while to make the connection as to why these biscuits work so very well, considering the usual way of making biscuits is to cut or rub cold butter into the flour/salt/baking powder, then add buttermilk or milk to make a dough.  But then, DUH.  Butter + buttermilk - shaking = cream.  

A few tips: don't overmix or over knead biscuits or they'll be hard and tough. You just need a light hand with the mixing and the patting out. Don't bother with a rolling pin, use your hands.  And I don't bother cutting them into rounds with a biscuit cutter or a glass because I hate gathering the scraps and repatting them out.  It's far easier to just gently pat the dough into a rectangle and cut the rectangle into smaller square biscuits.  Quicker, too. 

Smitten Kitchen says they can be frozen pre-baked, and then baked off straight from the freezer with a few additional minutes in the oven. I have never tried that because biscuits now please.

I have successfully made a half recipe and then regretted it because I wanted more biscuits.  Don't make my mistakes people. 

And so here's my version of Smitten Kitchen's version of James Beard's Cream biscuits:

Makes 10-12, depending on how big you want them.

2 tablespoons melted butter
2 cups all-purpose flour
1 tablespoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt, or 3/4 teaspoon kosher salt
1 1/2 cups heavy cream

Oven at 425°F.

Melt your butter in the microwave, and put to the side.  In a medium bowl, mix the flour, baking powder, and salt with a whisk or a fork.  Stir in 1 1/4 cups of cream, making sure all the dry bits are incorporated. I use either a fork or a silicone spatula.  If the dough is stiff, add a little bit of the remaining 1/4 cup, a little at a time. 

Don't overmix or over knead or the biscuits will be tough.  Dump your dough onto a flourer surface and gently pat into a rectangle or square about 3/4 inch high.  Use a sharp knife or a pizza cutter and cut into 10-12 squares.  Place squares onto a parchment or silpat covered baking sheet a few inches apart, and brush lightly with the melted butter (drizzling is fine too if you don't have a pastry brush). 

Bake until golden brown on top, about 12-15 minutes. Don't underbake--the golden crispy top is the best part.  Eat.

Edited to add:

I nearly forgot to tell y'all how to mess with them!

• Add shredded sharp cheddar, and voila, cheddar biscuits.  
• Add chopped rosemary or chives, and voila, herbed biscuits.
•  Add chopped rosemary or chives AND cheddar, and voila herb cheese biscuits. 
• Add a tablespoon of sugar, serve with sliced strawberries and whipped cream and voila, strawberry shortcake.