Everyone deserves better girl heroes. EVERYONE.

Fair warning, there's some cursing involved here.

I am the parent to two boys. One bigger, one still wee.  My oldest just fell in LOVE with Big Hero 6, and I don't blame him.  It features a multi-racial, diverse case of scientists and engineers of both genders.  The two female members of the six are crucial cast members and are not just one-dimensional fighty tough-girl "kick ass" heroines--they are well drawn, multi faceted characters and are key to the plot. 

Also, Beymax calls the cat a "furry baby".  Which, yes, they are. Bitchy furry babies, actually.  (Scott Asdit's voice acting as Beymax is killer by the by.)

Now, go read this at Pigtail Pals and Ballcap Buddys, about how a mom went to go make her daughter something out of licensed Big Hero 6 fabric, only to find that the fabric only featured the boy characters from the movie.  Then she wrote to the fabric company to register her issues.  The company's licensing manager (a woman) wrote back.

Disney’s target audience for Big Hero 6 is boys 5-12 and secondary are girls 5-12 and teens.  Since this is geared toward boys, we chose to focus either on the main characters (in this case Baymax and Hiro), or on just the boy characters.  We have found boys do not want girl characters on their things (eeeww girls! Yuck! Haha). Should Big Hero 6 continue to resonate in the market place I think you will begin to see more product and even fabric with all the characters including the female characters.

WHAT THE EVERLOVING FUCK.  This is RIDICULOUS. 

Oh, look, awesome girl characters in a giant hit! Whooo! And ZERO merch for them because, and I quote from the licensing director at the fabric company's letter in the article: "eeew, girls, yuck! Haha."

I mean SERIOUSLY. SHE WROTE THAT. As a joke or not, a grown up professional--a grown up WOMAN--wrote that.  In a business letter.  A BUSINESS LETTER.

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Word, Joan Holloway. WORD. (PS. Don't burn anything down.)

Here I was, so impressed with Big Hero 6 for it's approach to science and gender for kids. Way to fuck it up, licensor! Way to fuck it up.

And it's not just Big Hero 6. Let's look at Paw Patrol, shall we? Oh hey, a token girl character who wears pink.  Just one, mind you. Just one. Out of five.  Sure, there's a prominent human girl character, and thankfully she's not the human character who is constantly getting into scrapes (that one kid, I can't with that kid. There are only so many times I can turn to mine and be like, "for real, DO NOT DO ANYTHING HE DOES, EVER"). They couldn't have picked any other dog and made it female? I'm not asking you to really mess with your viewership Nick Jr, and make Rubble, the building bulldog a girl (though how awesome would that be?)  I'd be cool with the recycling dog, whatever his name is, being a girl.  2 girls, 3 boys. No one can complain about that?

Oh and my oldest little is the one who noticed there was only one girl dog.   He's six. 

 And do not get me started on Disney missing the effing boat--a historically profitable one, no less!--by failing to market the shit out of Princess Leia. COME ON. You, Disney, CREATED the princess business, and yet you fail to exploit the known entity of Princess Leia.  And friends, Leia is a real princess.  She's not a princess in the fudged "main female character in a cartoon by Disney".  What gets me, is that Lucas has ALREADY PROVEN how much bank a corporation can rake in with Leia merch, and yet Disney has still failed to do it.  Why are you leaving buckets of money on the table, dummies?

I am so sick of this kind of approach to merch. It is  sexist and stupid, and worse, it's bad business. I have money to spend, as do parents of girls. And  oh wait, I am a woman. 

I have two boys--I WILL BUY THEM ALL THE LEIA MERCH IN THE WORLD.  I played with Star Wars figures, nostalgia is powerful. I AM YOUR MARKET, MORONS. Target me, and lo, you will have all the monies from me.  Ignore me at your peril. For reals. Because I hold grudges.

And when my oldest came to me on the playground, indignant that a friend of his called him a girl as an insult, I was like, "yeah, so? What's wrong with being a girl?"  He was so mad, you guys.  But I am not buying into that shit, and I am NOT propagating that shit with my kids.  DAMN THE MAN. 

A related digression: the dumbass ads on tv for household products that depict dads as morons? My husband is an awesome parent who does the laundry, and we will both RAIN HELLFIRE upon those commercials and brands that depict him and his kind as HURF DURF CLEAN CLOTHES IS FOR THE WIMMIN.  And those depicting competent, caring fathers parenting their children and playing cowgirl with them? TAKE MY MONEY, PLEASE. (Unless you're Tide, because I don't like your scent. Sorry, yo.  But nice work on the ads!)

(Though don't try to enlist me in your war against Lego Friends. I like them. They can do better on the advert and marketing strategy, but I like the actual product. I like the idea of Legos in colors that may be more appealing to the population of girls who aren't already into Legos.  I did not love Legos as a child because I did not like the primary colors or the shape of minifigs.)

Laundry 202, the handwashening

Let's talk handwashing people! And drying things to be handwashed!  And I will give you my diatribe against woolite, while we're at it.  

Basics first: What to handwash?  

Welp, handknits, sweaters, fancy things that tell you to handwash on the label, many things labeled just "dry clean" (which is different from "dry clean only"), items with embellishments, bras, fancy undies, slips, etc.  Essentially, anything you're worried you'd trash in the washer or the dryer. 

So what do you need to handwash? A sink or tub or basin of some kind (a tub trug works really well for this kind of thing if your sink is wee).  Water, der.  Soap of some kind.  A towel or two. A flat space to lay things to dry.

So soap.  SOAP.  Note I say soap, not detergent?  They are two different things, and while both are useful, one is more useful than others. 

I may be the only person in the world who doesn't like tide.  I dunno what it is, I can't deal with the smell, or the packaging, or what.  I'm an All Free and Clear kind of girl and that's what it is. I just can't with the overpowering smell of shitty laundry perfumes.  

UNLESS we're talking handwashing stuff, in which case my tastes run toward ALL THE SCENTED PRODUCTS! Maybe because only some of the clothes fall into the handwashing category? Or because it's more tactile, washing something by hand and I therefore don't mind it when I wind up smelling like Mandarin Bergamot Cedar whatevers during the process?  Or maybe because the scents for handwashing stuff are WAY BETTER than the shitty Proctor and Gamble mass smells? (yeah, I KNOW most of the products I'm suggesting you use are probably in fact, subsidiaries of P&G or someone else. Don't care. They still smell better.)  Basically, I'm a fragrance snob.  I own it. (Don't get me started on perfumes--I have SO MANY.)

And herein lies my diatribe against Woolite.  THEY ARE RIPPING YOU OFF, FOLKS. It's watered down regular laundry detergent. They add water and jack up the cost, and claim it won't fade your darks or whatever.  I call bullshit.  It's still watered down tide in a smaller bottle and a tiny cap for measuring.  It doesn't rinse out well, like many laundry detergents, especially if you use their (overly large) recommended amount.  And in handwashing, not rinsing out well is even more of a pain in the ass.

Listen, I don't have anything against using detergent for handwashes. It can be the best tool for the job.  But if you're going to get dinged in the wallet to buy something that you already have on hand, just go for the better smelling, better formulated slightly fancier handwashing stuff. You're going to use less of it than you would the woolite, so the price comes out in the wash (see what I did there?).  And if you want to save money, there are lots of other options that aren't woolite that are cheaper and better for handwashing.  

And here's the thing about price. Some of the fancy soap brands are great for handwashing, so long as you like the scent.  Because that, really, is what you're paying for, the smell and the packaging.  If you don't like how the fancy brand smells, DON'T BUY IT, it's not worth it.  If you don't want to or can't shell out the cash for them, DON'T BUY THEM.  There are so many other cheaper options, don't pay for shit you don't want or need or can't afford.  

Non-woolite options for handwashing:

• Caldrea, fancy smelling (I like mandarin vetiver), mild plant based detergents.  It's a bit pricey, but I've been using the same medium sized bottle of their laundry detergent to hand wash for over six years, and I'm not even halfway through the damn thing. Not a bad price performer all told.
• The Laundress, another fancy smelling, pricey line of plant based detergents.  Again, thinking of long term price performance, it's great.  One bottle will last you ages.  Also, I cannot say enough about their wash and stain bar for spot treating and washing bras.  FAN-fucking-TASTIC. Again, I've had mine for about 5 years, and I still have about 3/4 of it left. 
• Mrs. Myers Clean Day, fancy smelling, slightly cheaper and becoming more widely available at Target and grocery stores.  I love their counter spray, and their laundry stuff is great for handwashing. Try their lavender scent for woolens. Use either their laundry detergent or their dish soap, both will be fine.
• Dr. Bronners, pure soap, not detergent, great for handwashing, and bonus reading material from the batshit label.  They say to use it for everything, and you totally can! But don't, for the love of god, brush your teeth with it, no matter what your hippie friends at burning man say.  It's disgusting.  Great for handwashing though!
• Charlie's Laundry Soap.  The sworn-by-cloth diaper-users best laundry soap out there.  I personally have never used it, but I know many who do. There are many other brands like this, often marketed to the cloth diaperers, that would work well for handwashing. 
• Wool washes, like Soak or Kookaburra  These are designed specifically as no-rinse wool washes for the handknitter (which essentially means they're super watered down, low or no sudsing detergent), but they are fantastic for delicates as well. Note that Kookaburra contains lanolin, which is great for wools, but I am meh on it for clothes in general. 
• Dish soap, I like Dawn, personally.  But you pick your brand.  They are fantastic surfacents that are designed to lift oils and dirt.  Many a fiber person uses Dawn to wash raw wool from the sheep.  I used Dawn to wash wool and cashmere for YEARS. 
• Shampoo.  YOUR shampoo (unless you are No-poo, or wash with conditioner only or something very very specific).  Smells good, you already have it, and it lifts oils and dirt.  Animal fibers like wool are hair, so why not use shampoo for them?
• Laundry bar soap, like Fels-Naptha or Zote. No fancy smells, but damn if they aren't cheap, effective, and time-tested (the fancy Laundress bar linked to above is a pricier, fancy smelling, smaller version of these bars).  They're in your grocery store, you just may need to look on the bottom shelves for them.  Also, they are fantastic for spot treating stains on your regular laundry. 

Okay, so you've picked your soap.  Awesome. Let's run through how to wash a sweater or two, since those are the pickiest in terms of technique.

1. First, fill your sink, tub, basin or whatever with warm water.  I like warm because it'll help lift the dirt, and won't freeze my hands when I'm lifting the sweater in and out of the water.  But wait! you say, won't I shrink my sweater or felt it or fuck it up if I wash it in warm?  Well, no, probably not.  Felting and shrinking happen with temperature change, agitation and soap.  We are not going to change the temp or agitate the item.  So it'll be fine.  Now, dyes may run with warmer water, so if your item has more than one color, stick to the cooler end of the water temp. 
2. So anyway, fill your sink, and add a tiny bit of your chosen soap. I mean TINY. Swish it gently with your hand to distribute, and then lower your item into the water, pressing down gently to submerge it (wool wants to float, so you really have to shove it down to get it fully soaked). Swish once or twice, and then go leave it alone for 15 or 20 minutes.  If you used a no-rinse woolwash like Soak, skip to step 4.
3. Come back, drain the water, leaving your item in the sink while it drains.  Fill the sink back up with the same temp water, and squish the clean water through a bit.  Let sit another 10 minutes. Drain. Repeat if necessary to get all the soap out.
4. Press the item against the walls of the sink to get more water out. DON'T WRING IT.  Just press or squeeze.  Lift your item out with two hands, supporting the whole thing so no sleeve is just dangling there stretching out from the weight of the water.  Lay it on flat on a towel. Roll up the towel with the item inside, and step on the towel/item jelly roll to get as much of the water out.  
5. Unroll, and  put the item on another towel (if you have one) on a flat surface to dry. As you're laying it out on the new towel, gently nudge it back into shape.  Make sure the shoulder seams and side seams are aligned, straighten and pat the sleeves into place, nudge the ribbing at the hem and cuffs in a bit. We have a heating vent in the floor that is fantastic for laying things out flat to dry, so long as you have a high tolerance for the cats sitting on it.  The hot air won't bother anything or shrink it, because unlike a dryer, there is no tumbling involved (again, heat + agitation is shrinking).

That's woolens, handknits, and the like. For other delicates, you can follow the exact same treatment for the washing.  Water, soap, let sit, water, let sit, drain and press out water and lay flat.  Blouses or shirts you may want to hang dry instead of laying flat, depending on the material.  If something has some weight to it when wet (or dry), don't hang it, as it'll stretch out of shape.  But a silk cami or slip? Go to town.

Bras and lady stuff, follow the same procedure, but you can get a bit more scrubbing action going on.  Bust out the soap bar and once the bra's wet, get in there and scrub with your hands a bit more if any places are really dirty.  Then let it sit, drain, rinse, and hang to dry. Don't stick your bras in the dryer, the heat degrades the elastic and wears them out quicker.

Questions, class?

I love this mug.

did you notice I cropped out the unholy mess behind the mug? Mostly, I mean. 

It's not one of mine, but it's one I'm striving towards creating in terms of design.  It's from Scargo Pottery, a fantastic place on Cape Cod in Brewster, MA.  They have several amazing potters creating there, and we go to visit it every year. (last summer we saw a raku firing there. SO COOL.)  And every year, we come home with more mugs.  All of which are lovely, but there are some I love more than others.  Like this one.

It also holds a shitton of coffee, bless. 

Scargo Pottery,  30 Dr. Lords Road, S, Dennis, MA 02638.  And they're open year round, not just seasonally.

why do I have so many lipsticks in my bag? and what will get lipstick off leather?

Seriously, this is what I have in my purse so far.  

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The correlating question: why do I have so much makeup when I hardly wear it? (Answer: Cause makeup is fun but I like sleeping more.)

And the kicker? They are all either red or coppery rosy nude. And when I mean red, I don't mean various different reds; I mean all essentially the same blue-based red. And coppery nude, they're all essentially the same coppery nude.  To be fair, they are all different formulations. Some are sheer, some are glosses, some are lipsticks, some are stains....  but seriously, I need to branch out or something.

So when I went to the bank yesterday reached in for my checkbook and came back with the lid to one of the little pencil fuckers, my heart sunk.  A lipstick losing a cap in a bag isn't the worst thing in the world, because lipsticks retract.  But the Buxom lip stain losing it's cap in the bag means that now the pocket of my bag is COVERED with Buxom lip stain in Busted.  GODDAMNIT. 

So what gets lipstain off of really pretty (fancy this is my "I a grown up lady!" bag) army green leather and fabric lining? (and what do I have stashed in my car and really everywhere throughout my house?)

Baby wipes.  Those suckers clean up EVERYTHING.  Three baby wipes later, I have a damp but CLEAN pocket.  They left a bit of lint on the fabric itself, but damn if they didn't get every bit of the red off the leather itself.  

Oh, and my ipod.  And my checkbook.  And the pen that was there. Ugh, everything. Goddamnit it Buxom lipstain. But thank YOU weird hippie baby wipes with no preservatives!

(by the way, for the curious, the lipsticks are, from left to right:

• YSL glossy stain, in 101. A lovely nude that unlike every other nude does not wash me out and make me look like a corpse.
• YSL glossy stain in 106. A slightly darker nude.  Both from the Rebel Nudes line.
• Le Metier de Beaute gloss in cafe creme.  Very nice formulation, sheer with a bit of sparkle.
• YSL glossy stain in 20.  A great blue-to-neutral red.
• Le Metier de Beaute lipstick in some red that doesn't have a name cause I got it through their VIP Beauty program.
• Dior addict lipstick in 714, a coppery rose.
• Nars lipstick in Christina, oh wait, a coppery rosy nude.
• Cherry chapstick. The best and only.
• top pencil is the fucking Buxom Lip Tarnish in Busted.  Other than the cap, it is FANTASTIC red.
• other pencil is Nars velvet gloss lip pencil in Baroque.  Blue based red. 
• I guess I should be glad I'd already removed the two other red lipsticks from the bag last week. Sigh.

Pavlova: is it the best dessert ever? (Hint: Yes. Yes, it is.)

pavlova my heart. (Also doesn't make sense, I know.)

I was totally going to have a dumb joke title like "pavlova, I hardly know ya!", but realized that made zero sense.

So i went with the slightly more hyperbolic, but far more accurate headline above. Cause let's face it, pavlova is the shit. 

Named after the famous Russian ballerina, Anna Pavlova, and thought to be created in her honor during one of her tours of Australia (or New Zealand) in the 1920s, it's a meringue shell, topped with whipped cream and fruit. Traditionally the fruit is some combination of strawberries, passion fruit, kiwis, bananas. The meringue isn't your regular crispy meringue either; it's crispy on the outside and marshmallowy and pillowy on the inside (thanks to vinegar and cornstarch).

This year, there were a billion folks at my mom'parents house for their super laid back easter festivities (featuring the oddly competitive easter egg hunt), and I was on dessert duty. Now, I am not a massive fan of cake, much preferring the pie-style for desserts (don't get me wrong. I am not ever turning down cake), but I also figured something a bit lighter might do well after stuffing our gaping maws with mac and cheese and ham and crescent rolls and candy. Thus, pavlova.

Despite looking delicate, it's actually a great dish to bring to a party, so long as you can protect your meringue from transit, small children, and nibblers. Just bring the fruit and cream separate, and assemble there. I figured if mine didn't survive, it's wind up as some impromptu Eton Mess (crumbled meringues, whipped cream, berries, served in a dish).

Choosing the fruit was easy: mixed berries all the way, passion fruit not just because it's traditional but because i love it. And no bananas or kiwis because enough was enough. Though i did as lemon curd because who doesn't like lemon curd? People who are dead inside, that's who.

Fairway totally let me down on the passion fruit front, but at least they had frozen passion fruit pulp. (by Goya, oh boy-a! And now I have totally dated myself. Whatevs. I'm old.) 

I didn't have the one true recipe for pavlova, so i read through a few, and cobbled together one that I'm pretty happy with, all told. 

This makes a big pavlova, about 10" across, but can also be used to make individual ones by doing little meringue nests instead of one big one, or reduced by taking down the number of egg whites.  A few notes on whipping egg whites: the bowl and whisk must be totally clean, with no grease or the whites won't whip. And even a tiny drop of yolk in the whites will make the whipping fail. So separate carefully. (Whipping cream is easier, just keep it all very cold.

here it 'tis, with inspiration and adapted from Ina Garten, Martha Stewart (technically Geoffrey Rush's recipe), Gourmet, Bon Appetit, and The Kitchn.

Pavlova

Serves 8 to 10

Meringue: 

• 6 egg whites
• 1 1/2 cups granulated sugar
• 2 1/2 tsp plain white vinegar 
• 1 1/2 tsp cornstarch
• 2 tsp vanilla
• Pinch salt

Topping:

• 8 oz heavy or whipping cream, very cold
• 2 tbsp sugar
• 2 tbsp vanilla
• 2-3 cups fruit, such as blueberries, raspberries, blackberries, sliced strawberries, passion fruit pulp
• Jarred lemon curd (optional), I get mine at trader joes

What to do:

• Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Trace a circle into parchment paper using a plate or a mixing bowl. Flip the parchment over onto a baking sheet (so you don't have a graphite meringue). 
• If your parchment is super curly, crumple it up then smooth it out first.

 "pencil on parchment", 2015

• If your parchment is super curly, crumple it up then smooth it out first.
• Separate your eggs: use three bowls for this. One for cracking each egg into and separating over, one for transferring the clean whites to, and one for yolks. Trust, the worst thing is fucking the whole shebang up with yolk in the whites on egg number six. So do each egg over the little bowl first, so if you mess up the separating on one, you don't have to start from square one. There are lots of egg separating gadgets out there, and they are all a waste of money. Just use your (clean) hands to hold the yolk while keeping the white drain through. Done.

sometimes the best tool is you.

• Put the egg whites into the bowl of a mixer (or a large bowl if you are using a hands mixer). Add vinegar and salt to the egg whites, and beat on high until the eggs are light and fluffy, and when you raise the beater you have soft peaks (they slump over on themselves).

action shot of meringue!

• While the mixer is running, add the sugar little by little, and sprinkle in the cornstarch in. Keep beating until the whites are stuff and glossy, and hold stiff peaks (no slumping). Don't overbeat or they'll get grainy. Stir in vanilla.

Stiff peaks (that's what she said)

• Mound your meringue into the center of the circle on the parchment paper, and use a spatula to nudge it to the edges, creating a shallow nest in the center to hold the cream and fruit.

ready to bake, low and slow

• Put into oven and immdiately turn the heat down to 225 degrees (or 250). Bake a large pavlova 1 hour 15 minutes, then turn off oven and let cool completely in closed oven. (Don't open the door while cooking or cooling.) Bake individual pavlovas about 50 minutes before turning off the oven and letting cool completely. You can even leave that sucker in the shut oven overnight.
• The meringue should be crispy on the outside and may possibly be a very pale gold. Use a big spatula to help you transfer the meringue off the parchment and on to a serving platter. It's pretty fragile, but it's OK if it cracks. Just reassemble it as much as possible on the platter. Be gentle and don't try to pick it up by the edges or something.
• If you aren't topping and eating the pavlova that day, wrap the whole thing, platter and all in plastic and keep it OUT of the fridge.
• When you  are ready to top it, Wash and slice your fruit. Defrost the passion fruit pulp if you're using it.  Whip the cream, sugar, and vanilla together with a mixer (hand or stand), until it's softly whipped. Don't go for the super stiff whipped cream, you want dollops like clouds.

like a cloud. A delicious cloud.

• Assemble the pavlova: I plopped some lemon curd onto the meringue shell, then covered that with the whipped cream, leaving a border of meringue. Pile on the fruit, then drizzle the passion fruit pulp (which was more like passion fruit liquid) over top.  Slice like a cake and eat.

right before we ate it all.

Nots:  

• If it totally crumbles while you are transferring, make Eton mess by layering the meringue pieces with whipped cream and fruit.
• Individual pavlovas work beautifully and while slightly less impressive looking are more sturdy to transfer.
• Sppoedly you can make the meringue well ahead, wrap well in plastic, and freeze for about two weeks. I've never frozen meringue before, so if you try it and it works, please tell me.
• A topped pavlova will get soggy if left too long, and if it's humid your meringue might not be the crispest or may begin to weep sugar beads.

linky links!

These are not my eggs. These are Not Martha's eggs.  Got visit her site to see how. 

not Martha breaks down the most gorgeous intense colors for easter eggs. (The secret is neon color food coloring and a long soak)

toddlers are aholes. Truer words, my friends. From the Honest Toddler folks. 

Please please please let them actual reboot the Muppet show!  

Fascinating interview with a sound effects artist. (via Kottke)

let's get a few things straight right now: "all right" not "alright". You have myriad things, not A myriad OF things (myriad means, technically, 10,000, and you don't ever say " a ten thousand of... "). But don't fuck with my Oxford comma.

Betsy Greer, coiner of Craftivism, on crafting and privilege. I've been interwebs friends with Betsy for a number of years and she's pretty brilliant. ( Just bragging that my friends are brilliant.  No bigs.)

A Cup of Jo has pieces of advice from women entrepreneurs.  

mmm... toffee

Today I'm making matzoh crack, aka buttercrunch matzoh, aka toffee matzoh, aka just plain crack.  

tasty tasty crack. With salt.

Here's the thing: it's dead easy.  Really and truly.  It's hard to mess up, ever.  And it has a perfect balance of sweet and salty and crunchy.  And at Christmastime, make it with saltines--salted side up--and it's Christmas Crack.  

TOFFEE HAS NO RELIGION PEOPLE! It crosses boundaries, it unites us all!

But first, a Digression. I need to confess something that many folks who know me in person already know (and many are horrified by): I don't like chocolate. 

I never have.  Sure, I like white chocolate, but as any true chocolate fan will tell you (loudly), that's not real chocolate.  That's essentially fat and sugar (which is why, I say, it's so damn good).  But honest to god chocolate? Gross. I like the texture, but the flavor is just TOO much.  And that's saying something coming from a girl who loves pate and butter and cream and all things rich. And don't even get me started on dark chocolate--ugh.  Give me buttery toffee or caramel or fruit flavors all day long, yo.

(The going theory, by the by, is that I'm a supertaster with weird quirks.  That's another post tho)

But anyway, back to the matzoh crack.  For all of my dislike of chocolate, it works here.  And I just skimp on half the tray for me, and over do it on the other half of the tray for everyone else in the world who thinks I'm cray. 

Matzoh / Saltine Crack

• several sheets of matzoh or about 40ish saltine crackers
• 1 cup butter
• 1 cup dark brown sugar
• 1 tsp vanilla
• 2 cups chocolate chips
• 1 cup chopped nuts (optional, I like pecans or walnuts)
• flaky salt (optional, but if you don't include it you're dead to me)

What to do:

• preheat your oven to 400 deg. Line a baking sheet (the kind with a rim) with tinfoil.  You can also use parchment and foil if you're fancy, but I am lazy.
• break up the matzoh into more manageable pieces if you like, and arrange in a single layer on the foil-lined-sheet.  If you're using saltines, arrange in a single layer, salt side up
• in a heavy bottomed saucepan (so it doesn't burn), melt the butter and sugar together.  Bring to a boil and boil for 3 minutes. Off the heat, stir in a healthy glug of vanilla.  Or if you're precise, measure it. 
• Carefully pour the butter-sugar mixture over the matzoh or saltines, making sure everything is evenly covered.
• Pop in the oven and bake for 6-7 minutes.  Err on the side of longer, the sugar should bubble all over, especially in the corners.  Underbaking will make the toffee chewy instead of crispy.
• Remove from oven, and while hot, sprinkle the chocolate chips evenly over the top of the candy.  Let sit for a minute to let the chips melt a bit--they will not lose their shape because chocolate is like that--and then use a spatula to spread the chocolate evenly across the candy. 
• sprinkle warm chocolate with the flaky salt and nuts if you're using them.
•  Let sit at room temp until set, break into pieces and store in an airtight container in the freezer.

A new toy (from Akerworks spindles)

I warned y'all. I'd be getting more of these suckers.

This one is a brand new spindle from Akerworks, who have some of the most beautiful spinning bobbins I've seen created on a 3-d printer in some gorgeous colors and designs!

I mean, really, how can you resist these? 

  They've recently created a line of modular spindles, using their 3-D printed designs for the interchangeable whorls, and carbon fiber for the shafts.  The whole thing is quite genius--you can pick the whorl size and color, and get various different shafts as well, so you can spin a bunch onto one shaft, then swap out the whorl on top to another shaft and keep on spinning.

Also, pretty pretty colors. Mine is dark teal. they have a bajillon options.

3-d printing is like magic, and I love that practitioners of one of the oldest known crafts are also some of the most innovative users of  modern tech.